So you’re the Lord God Almighty.

It’s Biblical Times™ and you’re trying to get a press release out. Problem is: there’s no Internet or fax machine. No printing press, either. Doesn’t really matter — everyone’s too busy rushing through their pestilence-abbreviated 30-year lifespans to bother with niceties such as bathing and literacy. What to do?

Hey, it’s Asia Minor. Labor is cheap. Like any good CEO, you outsource the propagation of your Holy Word. Sure, there are problems: half-crazed underlings; constant additions, redactions, and expurgation of your dictation; and that pesky Molech, always cutting in on your marketshare. But you takes what you gets.

Fast forward to 2007. As any web dweeb will tell you — tediously so — it’s the age of social media. Which means the Eternal One can blog and twitter, dispensing with the clerical middleman altogether.

Enter The Lord God Almighty’s Weblog, an exercise in Revelation 2.0. On its pages we find a buttoned-down, CEO Lord of Hosts and some surprising Open Deity insights:

• Dinosaurs? Yes, they were a test of faith
• Both Pelagius and Augustine are still on the Lord’s Christmas list
• The meaning of life is a performance review

Plenty of good stuff … until the end of August, when this puzzling note appeared:

Well I am God. So I can do pretty much what I like can’t I. So, I’m off to do the same thing over at The Kaiser. Today was Wednesday, and we missed the Open Deity but we will catch up with that next week.

Then nothing: the heavens have become still. Of course, the Hebrews had this problem from time to time. We’ll have to wait and see if the Lord God Almighty turns up on his blog again. Or maybe he’s moved to Facebook with everyone else.